Day 3

Today is day #3 for Brad. It was the first day I've been able to spend the day with him to see his reactions. AMAZING! He never cried or became frustrated. He was able to follow my directions - more than 2 things at a time! We had a conversation that I could feel he understood. Again, I can tell when it's wearing off. Very irritable and cranky. Crying and anger. I'm sure he's not use to his little body feeling fine and then all scattered again. We're still going to try a few more days to see if he starts to understand how it's helping him and how it's ok when it wears off.

I guess I never wanted to medicate because my though process was "how can you tell if he's really ADD/ADHD when he's just four or five?" Let him be four or five and we will cross this bridge when we really have school work. Even though we have had him certified tested to prove it, I didn't REALLY believe it because he wasn't the kid running and jumping, or climbing the walls. His thoughts were so rampet, so jumbled, he has so many ideas and things he wants to express, but he couldn't. Lord, please let this give him the self esteem he needs. I don't think I could ever breathe again if he decided to hurt himself.

Today is also kinda Day 1. Keith left for Memphis. He's off to find his fortune as my Grandmother would say. FedEx training starts on Monday. He will be back in 2 weeks before he starts up again for 3 months. We can brave the next couple of weeks before our lives get really busy soon......

Next post: I eat stress for breakfast!

Where The Red Fern Grows

I have always read to the boys. Short bedtime stories, reptile facts, animal magazines, the directions on their wii Lego games - but this was the first time we've sat down as a family and conquered our first novel. Time to get caught up with my children and their "classics". I vowed I would read them with my kids and this was book number one.

I was actually surprised they sat and listened for 45 minutes at a time. I loved all our time together and their genuine interest in the book. There were several times Cole would say "Oh, do you think it was the same as back in that other chapter?" He wanted to know the meaning of the words, where this had taken place, and all about everything! I was shocked to hear him say "No, mom - do you think it was the same mountain lion that almost got them when he first got his dogs?" - before the reference in the book was even mention. I'm shocked at the comprehension!

As we neared the end of the book, I had to read ahead. I had been warned it was "super sad", so my only guess would be the dogs died. Well, I can't say there were any tears because it was obvious. I'm a heart of stone.

Last night we tackled the last two chapters with Cole and Brad. They hung onto my every word. When we reached the saddest point - no tears from my boys! Not a drop! I will admit when I read it the second time, I teared up when the mention of the mother and father hurting so deeply for Billy. At the sight of this my boys were LAUGHING! At ME! They laughed through the end of the book. Cole said he wanted to be sad, but just couldn't. That was the end of that! I guess they are more of a "cat person". They're as cold as ice! What's next on our reading agenda? I can't wait to pick out a new one!

How Much Longer?

Will they be able to sit in the same chair to play? Please don't say "not long", I know it's obvious, but my heart can't bare the thought.

My Little B

I thought we had worked through most issues. The fits are back. It pains me to watch him scream and cry - not knowing why he feels the way he does. He doesn't remember half of what he says or what the issue was that started it.

The worst part is his low self confidence. He doesn't believe anyone loves him. Everyone is out to get him, and you can't even comfort him. Now, he wants to start hurting himself. At FIVE. Only 5 years old and he says things that break my heart into a thousand pieces. I will protect him to the end, risk life and limbs to keep him from every predator out there. Mama Bear on attack. How do I stop him from hurting himself?

After almost a year of "waiting it out" or being on the fence, we are going with the Dr's recommendation.

The first day was horrible. Today is the second day, and so far so good. He was the first one in the class to complete his work and you should see how much he did!! This is just what he did today!! Usually he doesn't even complete a page of work.




Benjamin Bunny like to blow blue brow(n) black bubbles


This kind of math worksheet was NEVER competed.. He finished the front AND back







It says, I love Cole, Mom, Cad, God, Jesus. my bear's name is Paos. My bear lives in the cave. My bear eats fish.

I'M FLIPPING OUT!! I'm so proud of him. It's a night and day difference. Brad honey, I hope you feel better about yourself. You are smart, You are kind, and You are important! I know you are destined for great things baby. I can't wait for you to show the world all the reasons I love you so - Forever your biggest fan!

Ego training.... Check

I really should write more often. My boys are growing and changing so fast. They are a blink away from being grown ups. I don't like it at all.

For whatever crazy reasons, I never read several of the "classic" books as a child. I know a few were even required readings. How I skipped them, I'll never know. One of my Christmas gifts was the book Where The Red Fern Grows. It's one of Keith's favorite all time books and he's wanted to read it to the boys for a while now. For the past week, we've all sat around together and read a couple of chapters a day. The boys are really into it. In fact, everytime I finish a chapter I say "the end" and close the book. It's always followed by pleas to keep reading.

Tonight I read the part where Billy is at the championship coon hunt and he's walking around the camp looking at all the other dogs. He overhears somebody say "isn't that the boy with those hounds?" and his head fills with so much pride it could burst.

Enter Cole. He stops me and says "kinda like me..... When I won that soccer trophy?". Ooh, yes. I stopped reading and told him he was so excited just like Billy. Then Cole asks..."what did I win that for again?". He was fishing for me to tell him all the good things the coach did when he got the trophy. As if he didn't remember. Because he's cute and only 8, I went off on Coles talents.

Umm, honey? Can we return to the book now?

My Tenderhearted

There's been several times this past year where both boys will randomly bring up Carrie and have a question or two. We've always welcomed their questions and been totally honest with them. I know Cole understands, but there have been several times I wonder if I've only confused Brad more. A small part of me worried that Brad would never remember, but God has proven me wrong.

If anything, Brad remembers her ALL the time. When we drive past the local cemetery, he will tell everyone in the car that his sister is there (she isn't). When we say prayers at night and mention who we are thankful for, he always says "don't forget Carrie in Heaven". As he was walking outside the other day he said "I love you mom, I love you Mickey, I love you Merlin, I love you baby Carrie".

Sometimes I don't know what to do with all his sweet moments.

Today I was working up at the school helping his teacher. They were sitting in circle time and each person had to tell the class what they are thankful for. Lots of kids were thankful for their moms, thankful for school, thankful for their toys. I just happened to walk in when it was Brad's turn. He announced to the class he is thankful for his baby sister Carrie who died.

He's my tenderheart. And he's right. I'm thankful for her too - despite all the pain and heartache, we got to be her family. Thank you God.

Angler

My little Colby has become quite the fisherman. In fact, almost a little obsessed about it. He asks DAILY - several times a day - if he can go fishing. He carries around a tackle box with him and thinks I should always have his poles in the back of the van. Cole's new favorite show is River Monsters and knows all the different kinds of fish to catch around here.

Yesterday he told me that he only wants to play in the JUNIOR World Cup so he can be a professional fisherman too. I kissed his head and said he can be anything he wants to be. Later Cole told me he really wants to do both because if he's a fisherman he can take Brad with him.

Melt.My.Heart.