The Giving Tree

Who'da thunk that I would be having growing lessons in my thirties? Sure enough another light bulb moment yesterday at Borders Bookstore.

We were wasting time at the mall and I thought I would be the fun mom and take the boys in to read a book to them. We made our way to the back of the store and I scanned the shelves for a book the boys might enjoy. It's painfully sad when we have almost every book Border's carries. And there it was - The Giving Tree. It takes me back to 5th grade. Our class performed The Giving Tree. I was the voice of the Tree (since I read with such great inflection - some compliments stick with you forever). I remember loving the book about the tree even though it's kinda sad.

Naturally, I think the boys would love the book about a tree - simple pictures, not a lot of words on each page..... So I start reading to them - with great inflection - and then it happens. I wasn't expecting this at all - I started crying. Can you believe it? Reading The Giving Tree??? It dawns on me that it's not really about a tree at all. DUH! It about loving someone so much and giving everything you have for their happiness = a parent.

The past few weeks without Keith has been hard. Being the single parent takes all your effort and then some. I've felt like the tree. I just hope the boys will want to come back to sit with me one day. I should go sit with my parents too.

Isn't She Lovely

Here she is - I fell in love. I had to have it, but I'm not quite sure what to do with her. I imagined she would fit perfectly in the living room, but I'm not sure I like the look of it. Everything is very dark in contrast to the light floor and walls. Bummer. I will leave her in there to see if it grows on me. If not - I think it would be a PERFECT piece to put in our daughter's room. (calm down - not pregnant, but just thinking into the future) Carrie's trunk - to hold her toys and blankets, to hide in from her brothers, to place her journals, yearbooks and mums in, and to store her wedding dress. See - PERFECT



ps - how cute is that teny tiny MerMer?

I'm Such a Boring Mom

Since Keith has left, I guess Cole has found some time to catch up on his sleep. Here are a few interesting poses from the little man. Don't be fooled. All this sleep isn't keeping him out of less trouble.



I found him in our bed a few times (notice the clothes... CLEAN, I so wish Keith were here to put them up for me)


I know - I can't flip it yet. This is straight from the stick, I haven't downloaded to Picassa yet. Cole fell asleep waiting for Daddy to call back.

I love Brad in this one. He brought Cole the stick toy to sleep with.


He was so hungry he helped himself to a snack of peanuts, but somehow collapsed to the floor before he ate any.


He literally just demanded for me to bring him a snack. Before I got back to the living room this is how I found him. He looks relaxed enough to be shouting demands.


As I was uploading pictures I hear talking coming from upstairs. I sneak up the stairs and Cole is in Brad's crib. He says "do you want me to go ask your mommy if you can sleep with me?" "don't be scared, I will be right back" "we can eat cinnamon rolls and eggs in the morning, would you like that?" After each question Brad says "ya". They are sweet. They didn't know I was listening in. I will surprise them with cinnamon rolls in the morning. Thank you God for letting me hear that. I needed sweetness.

Messy Day

Continuing with my cool mom never-say-no-let's-do-it theme, we had messy play today. The boys love playing with goop. I got a little crazy with the food coloring because all of our hands are blue. I could cry at the mess it left, but hey - I only have 10 people coming over tomorrow night. Plenty of time to clean.



Yea, that didn't stay in the bowl.

The boys loved messy play so much it continued outside. Yes, that is Brad's poop floating in the pool. This clean up required immediate attention. As Oprah would say, I had a light bulb moment today. I remember pre-kids I use to say "they don't pay me enough to do this". Today I've come full circle. The girl in me now is telling that skinny flight attendant "try being a mommy".

Randomness

So today was a tough one. The absence of Keith hit hard. I just wanted to scream to everyone "my husband is gone and these children don't listen!" I was desperate for someone to take them. I was hot and yet had to carry Brad. Cole was darting everywhere and I had to hold his hand. I had to dig through my purse. I had to load them in the car, unload them, wipe them, feed them - I just wanted a break. Guess what... nobody is lining up at my door to take the job.

Keith's car is ruined. Bird poop ate through the paint while it sat at the Auto Hobby Shop for 5 weeks - great. I found out the boys punched a hole through the siding of the house - great. Actually, I found two holes - great, great. It's raining and the sprinklers are running. I don't know how to turn them off - great. I can't figure out my new phone - great. I think I'll move to Australia.

I am trying to figure out how to blog these pictures. I don't know how to type, show a picture, type some more. Trial and Error around here.

Cole's been saying "WHAT THE........." lately. It's shocking to hear. I don't know where he picked that up. He also says "holy cow" and Brad chimes in right behind him. Being the observant mom I am, I noticed the other day that Brad got another tooth in... probably a month ago! We now have 4 on the bottom. Whoo-hoo! Here's some pictures Keith - I love you and I hope they make you happy. Miss you bananas.



Here is the new shower curtain I bought for boys bathroom. It was on sale for $12 at BabiesRUs. It even came with cute frog hooks. Score.


She wants in so bad... dumb cat


Cole's teeth

Brad's teeth - notice the BIG new one on the lower right (his left)



They've been caught


These are of the boys today playing in the mud.

Say cheese!


Cole made the "chains" at the Mother's Day Out Program to count down to Christmas. He wanted to make a chain to count down to our trip to Texas. The Texas countdown is on their doors. We decided to make one for when daddy comes home too.... That one is a little harder to look at. It starts on the bathroom door, dips down and goes above Cole's door, across Brad's door, into a pile on the floor. We've been taking chains off for days and I see no improvement - sad.

Here's the boys on Father's Day at the River. They play really well together.

Whew - it's over!

Another big event crossed off the calendar. Tonight Ashley and I hosted the squadron coffee. It was a pretty large turnout considering it's summertime and there are several out of town. We made it "kid friendly". We had 4 babysitters in the backyard for the 21 kids that RSVPed and around 25 adults.

Ashley was so much help. Maybe I don't want them to start a family - It will cut into the extra set of arms around here and I would be forever lost!

The boys love playing with all the other kids, they are so social. Now, off to catch up on some sleep. Tomorrow calls for Cole's School Camp, Bible Study, and Swim lessons - all before noon. Maybe it's not all over.

It's Broken

Let's see.... Keith's been gone around 15 days and here is a list of things that have broke and/or need fixing since he's left:

1. The lawnmower (good riddance in my book)
2. The weed eater (another one I won't miss)
3. Our brand new Wii (shipping it off tomorrow)
4. My new coach purse (really upset over that one)
5. I took about 8 inches of paint off the side of the van (still in shock and won't look at it anymore because it turns my stomach)
6. My new cell phone
7. Jogging Stroller tire is flat (Keith doesn't know about that one yet... SURPRISE!)
8. AT&T overcharged us - we'll have to get that straightened out
9. The Auto Hobby shop overcharged us - put a call into the services commander

That's about something going wrong every other day. Nice... It's probably a norm around here anyway, it just we don't have Mr. Fix it around to take care of all this. If something happens to the computer I'm really in a world of hurt. Hurry home soon!

Don't Forget My Words

Keith,

I am so sorry you have to spend Father's Day away from your boys. I know lots of dads would think that's the greatest gift ever - a free day to golf, sleep, do what I want to do...not you. You are the kind of dad who WANTS to be around his boys. I know you would do anything just to hang out with them today. Today definately would have involved doing something fun. You would have taken them fishing at the river, floating, or a trip to the pool and ice cream later.

You are a good daddy. There are times when I am jealous of the relationship you have with them. I know you will always be close to them like you are to your dad. They will want to talk to you and get your opinion and not avoid your calls. They will run to your first with their good news and seek your approval. I can see the way they interact with you. You always bring the touch of patience when I've run out.

I am trying to "think like you would" when I'm failing and yelling at them. It usually works. You are not just a Daddy to them, you are an active partner in parenting and for that I thank you. I'll try not to "mess them up" too much while you are away. I love you and Happy Father's Day.

Another Day in Paradise

I'm starting to see the humor in it now, but this is the actual email I sent Keith last night:


Keith -

I know I'm suppose to be holding down the home front and shouldn't worry you with my bad days. But if I don't vent this out to someone I will go postal.

I quit - I will never ever ever ever never mow or weed eat a yard again. I quit and I am hiring the boy down the street. What was once a 1 hour job turned into 4. I broke the mower as soon as I started it - riped the cord right out of the engine. It started, but that also meant I could not shut it off till I was done. 2 seconds into the job, I look over and Brad is playing with the fishing pole and HOOK! WHO LEAVES THE HOOK STILL ON THE POLE IN KID SIGHT!!!! I'm screaming like a crazy lady for him to drop it (keep in mind I can't let go of the mower) Then the bag fills up, but I can't stop the mower. So I toss the bag off and then have to keep dumping the excess that was building up in the funnel. Every time I would lift the lid it blew grass clippings in my face. Good times. Brad's in the street and I can't see Cole.

I finish the yard, the boys are running in and out (dragging grass clippings all over my freshly moped floor). Now it's time to weed eat. Let me just tell you, part of me hates you for leaving me with this piece of crap weed eater. I don't know if Steve re-stringed it wrong, but the line kept falling out every 10 feet. I had to stop and re thread and reload that dumb thing over a dozen times. Here's my next gripe - that damn playset. There is a reason all of the pictures show it on the ceder chips and recycled tires. That's so people don't have to weed eat around all the nooks and crannies. It sucked. I hurt from contorting my body and holding that thing and it still didn't get it all. Oh - as I'm under the fort getting the "sandbox", I look over and Brad is hanging by his neck on his swing. Don't ask, but he almost strangled himself. I can't get out, I can't shut the thing off... he falls to the ground in a blood curdling scream. As soon as I get started again, I see Cole sitting on his face trying to put a band aid on his neck. Brad didn't care for that either.

On top of all this, your children don't listen for worth a shit. I set them up with snacks, Wii bowling, toys... and what do they do?? - THROW ROCKS AT ME WHILE I'M WEED EATING! I'm not kidding. I come inside and they have DESTROYED my clean house. The house I've been cleaning for 3 days - it's a mess. they threw their food all over the place - dumped the water bowl all over the floor (mixed with grass clippings) and Brad took his poopy diaper off and is running everywhere. I'm so ticked off. As of now, they are still alive, but I can't promise anything for the remaining 15 minutes before bedtime.

I hope you had a good day, because mine sucked. I am tired. At least I got rid of one less responsibility today - lawn care. I swear, if I have to do that again while somehow tending to our children - I will wack everyone/everything in a 10 mile radius. I'm off to go clean up poop - off the walls, out of the carpet. Then I'm going to cry for about 45 minutes with some chocolate.

Don't call to tell me about your bad day, I promise you will not top this. I will still love you in the loony bin, Jen

Get Ready

I had a thought (watch out!).... I check all of my friends blogs everyday. I love reading them and seeing the new pictures. I wish you all would do an new post everyday. Then the light bulb went on - I should update mine everyday. Now that Keith's away, it's even more important. Oh - I talked to Gina and she said there is a website you can download your blog to and they will turn it into a hardcover book. So nifty... now if only I can remember the name of the website!

Today was a really interesting day for me. I've been cleaning like a crazy lady the past few days. I have been stressed and freaked out with "hosting" the Home study Group for the Church. Tonight was the big event and another light bulb went on......

Our home was filled with several people singing worship and praying for one another, and it was beautiful. Not one person noticed the clean baseboards, the dusted shelves, the vacuumed stairs, or organized toy bins. I didn't care. I truly felt Him in our home. I loved that my children witnessed our house as being a place of gathering in the name of Jesus.

We were asked to prepare to give our testimony. We had to focus on our past, the transformation, and where God has taken you now. I wrote out my testimony last month. But as far as where God has taken me today - I would have NEVER thought a gathering such as the one tonight would be taking place in my house (4 years ago). At a bigger church we thought we have been a better "fit" for us, I would have slipped in and out of the back - never noticed, never missed, never prayed for. This is absolutely where we are suppose to be. This is our family away from family.

The boys had a cute day today. Brad is getting so big. His vocabulary is expanding and it's funny to hear him talk. He went from infant to small dude - totally missing childhood. He reminds me of the college dude who will do anything for attention. Jump out the window, ok. Swallow the goldfish, ok. Tonight the boys were playing with bugs and I hear Brad say "Oh my God, kill it!" ?????? Where did he learn that? Then they were debating weather or not it was dead... then I hear Brad with a goofy chuckle... "hu hu hu, I told ya" Earlier he says "mommy, mommy, watch me!" as he takes a jump off the stairs. He lands on his face, laughs it off and says again.... "mommy, mommy, watch me!"

We started swim lessons this week. Who's idea was this? It's 50* outside!! Mental note for next year. It's miserable. The pool temperature is tolerable, but getting in and out is not! Icicles are forming off our ears. Cole is doing so well! His teacher, Amanda, is so great with him. A little friend of his, Gracie, and him are the only ones in the class. He was out in the open pool on the first lesson!! (big deal because you usually can't get him off the steps or his hands off the railing!) Today they put on life jackets and swam out into the deep end! Brad's lessons.... another story. I wish I could drop out. Maybe I was tainted by the mommy&me class in Oklahoma. I am having a hard time "clicking" with his teacher. I need to figure something out because I'll be spending part of my day with her for the next month. She's a little abrasive in her tone and directions - very authoritarian. I feel she's expecting a lot for their age group (kick off the wall into a back glide in preparation for the backstroke.) Then again, I've always had issues with people demanding things out of me. I should be a good example and tough it out - it will be a struggle.

Now that I've made a commitment to update more regularly, it's time I go through and add pictures to each posting. This might take me a few days, but I'll get there. Get Ready - I'm steppin up on my blog!!

On a side note: Tonight I am happy nobody noticed the 14 loads of laundry piled up in my room. Keith, it's the worst it's ever been - enjoy not being here to witness it. I need your help.

Boogers

Brad has had his finger in his nose all week long. I remember this stage with Cole (and Cara - I wish Jason were close by to tell the story of Nasal and Nostril). I was telling Brad last night that you don't eat your boogers because they will make you sick. Cole chimed in with Mr. Steve eats boogers!

It reminded me of the story. I figured I would write about it - it was F.U.N.N.Y.

The O-Club was offering free hot dogs, burgers, and drinks. I guess the base passed some test, and this was the appreciation lunch. We had just moved here - in fact we were still in the TLFs. We decided to enjoy a free lunch despite the fact that we had nothing to do with the base accomplishment. It was Ashley and us - Stephen was the only "t-bolt" that could join us. He was so helpful to me. He and Ashley helped find us a table, found a highchair, got Cole a plate of food and a drink.... they really are my extra set of hands. My attention was diverted to Brad and getting him settled, I didn't really notice how helpful Steve was being with Cole. I occasionally would blurt out to Cole "finish eating", and "no cookie till you eat all your hamburger".

Unbeknown to me, Cole held up his hand to show Mr. Steve something. Steve thought is was a baked bean. He didn't want Cole to get in trouble so he ate the "bean" in Cole's hand. Wouldn't you know Cole then points out "YOU JUST ATE MY BOOGER!" Mr. Steve goes above and beyond the call of friendship.

He's Gone

This morning at 2:30am we dropped Keith off. He flew out around 5 am for "base X". We knew this day was coming, but it snuck up on us. So with a heavy heart I sit here alone. The boys should be napping, but they aren't. It's suppose to be sunny outside, but it's not. And a daddy should be with his family, but he can't.

I think we prepared the boys as much as possible. We got them daddy-dolls. They are little 12 inch dolls of Keith for the boys to carry around, hug on, and take to events that he physically will miss. We recorded Keith reading books on video. We've talked about it, and made plans to keep us busy.

We said our goodbyes at home and took Keith to the base at o'dark-thrity. We part ways and left in tears. As I drove away Cole exclaims "Mom, we forgot to say a prayer all together". I did. I dropped the ball. I was able to text Keith and he came back out to the car for a family prayer. I tell you what, it was much easier driving off the second time. I won't ever miss another opportunity for a family prayer again. Sometimes God uses that little 4 year old to speak to me in big ways. This morning was one of them.

Reality set in when Brad woke up crying. It seems he dropped his daddy doll over the crib railing and couldn't reach it. I picked it up for him and he just held it. We came downstairs and he looked all over saying "where daddy go?". I'm sure I will face many more moments where the boys are so lonely for their daddy. I don't know if I will be able to be the supportive reassuring mommy or the one who just sits and cries with them. Maybe a little of both. We'll find a balance.

We went to church this morning. Everyone is so supportive and loving. I was offered help, lawn mowing, girl time, babysitting, and most importantly prayers. Today they combined services. Calvary Chapel was PACKED! I've felt like we've been a congregation of 50, but today when there were well over 100 people there - well it just felt full. They are done with the playground outside. It looks really nice. I think there were 25 kids on there at the same time. I didn't even know there we that many children in the church! They made plant boxes to attach the fencing too and added lots of patio chairs and tables so we can sit and watch the kids. It's amazing how much the church has changed in just the 10 months we've been there. Now that we are moving MOPS to Calvary Chapel, I can't wait to see where this takes us! Just when I got use to the tiny church, they explode. But that's a good thing.

I will have to give the June line-up another time. I should take a nap. Enjoy Hawaii Honey. I can't wait to see it with you one day.