HA!

Brad hates school. I mean he HATES it. Who knows why, but he just walked in and the following converstation took place: Brad: Momma, can you pick me up early from school tomorrow? Me: No, sorry Brad. Brad: But people get to go home early all the time. Me: Right, they probably have dr appointments. You do not. I would have to turn in a doctor's note to get you out of school and you don't have an appointment. He was not happy with this answer and stormed off.... Minutes later he was back. Brad: Momma, How do you make yourself throw up because I want to make sure that I do NOT do that at school tomorrow? Please tell me so I don't get sick at school.

A letter to Brad

Without going into details something happened last weekend. It was a huge wake up call for me and I had to make quick choices that were very hard. My Dearest Bradley, You scared me. A flash of what could have been has haunted my dreams and thoughts ever since. I hope you understand how much you are loved. I couldn't breathe without you in our lives. I physically want to be sick when I imagine not seeing you, talking with you, playing with you, taking care of you, raising you, or flat out knowing you are ok. It breaks my heart when you don't realize your value in our lives. I feel like I'm failing you as a mother when you don't understand God's purpose for your creation. YOU are a LOVED little boy. You were created by the KING of all things. You were made in His image to do great things here. You were made unique to stand out as Brad and Brad alone. You hold our hearts with a slight smile. I live to see the world from your precious eyes. Please know that I will exhaust my last ounce of strength making sure you know this. I am making a commitment to you. I want to help you in every way I know possible. It's hard as a parent. I will not always know what the right thing to do is, but I promise you there won't be a decision made that wasn't well thought out. I promise I'm researching, weighing all sides of an issue, asking questions, and most importantly praying. I'm praying for you all the time sweet boy and your brother too! I am VERY honored God choose me to be your mom. I love you so so much and I hope you understand one day your importance. I want you to realize your self worth, your gifts, and love for yourself. I will do all I can to help you and I know for a fact your father feels the same way. We love you little man, Your mom

Funny things

The boy's school had hearing and vision testing this week. They needed volunteers to help out so I headed up there for two days. As Brad went into the room for the hearing test he made sure to tell the nurse..... "Watch out for Tristan. He has really bad ears because he is in trouble ALL the time. He can't hear." HA! The I was helping with 3rd grade. This little girl said "Are you Cole's mom?" I told her I was and then I said... How is Cole doing? Is he nice to everyone? Tell me everything! She said "He's good. He's got blonde hair and green eyes...." WHOA - slow down little ball of hormones! Don't make me get all crazy up in the school! Ha! Oh, and I realize I live in a small town when the UPS driver recognizes me up at the school and delivered my packages there. It tells me (A) I am at the school too much (B) Yes, it is a small town or (C) I have an amazon.com addiction. (D) ALL OF THE ABOVE!

Ding Ding Ding

Man, there are only a few things in life that I have been able to accurately predict. Experiencing first grade reading with Brad is one of those things. Ahh... my sweet B. He is very upset today about homework in general. One of the sentences doesn't make sense to him, so he refuses to read the whole page. He has quietly flipped through the booklet a couple of times and says "I'm done. I read it three times. I'm going outside." Brad will you read it to me aloud...... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! This is exactly how I predicted this experience to play out. Today was day 1 of homework. We have a full year ahead of us. Yea!

Summer Vacation

Last summer we spent the majority of it moving from one house to the other.... painting, unpacking, reorganizing. Lots of fun! I was really looking forward to this summer because we could actually enjoy it. Now I'm sitting here thinking WHAT HAPPENED TO MY SUMMER!?! Cole had a soccer camp with the Texans in June. In July we planned a trip out to Tennessee. We spent a couple days in Memphis looking around and trying to cram an entire city tour into 24 hours. The boys went to Graceland, to see the FedEx headquarters, Daddy's crash pad, Beale Street, Gibson guitar factory tour, Loraine Motel, Civil Rights Museum, the entire Memphis Zoo, Collierville Music on the Square with a slice of homemade cheesecake - ALL IN ONE DAY! Cole wasn't impressed. He just wanted to fish! We spent a day driving around and looking at houses/neighborhoods/land. We have a big decision to make as to where to live. It really deserves a post on it's own. Our hearts are so torn and we really aren't leaning for one place over another. After our house hunt, we drove out to Gattlinburg to meet up with the Thomas family. The McThomas family was all together again. We got a little cabin we camped in for a few days complete with a black bear. I almost lost my first born to said black bear - no lie. So, we spent the rest of the visit locked inside. The boys hated me. It was good to see Steve and Ashley, but next time we are going a little more urban ;-) Keith was able to take the majority of August off. We were **thisclose** to buying a camper and heading up to Colorado. Instead the boys wanted to vacation with their grandparents in Dallas. We loaded up MV and spent a few days with all of them. The plan was to save money and plan for a trip to San Diego in October. We were able to wrap the season up with a family trip to Castaway Cove. This is what the boys remember the most! Figures!!! Keith is playing soccer with the Air Force all of September. The last week of games are in San Diego. Since this is his last time as a player, we wanted to go out and watch his games! We blinked our eyes and school started. There was our Summer of 2012 in a nutshell!

Bradisms

Brad says a lot of funny things. He will say things that make NO sense to me and then things that make me melt. Here's a few things he said the past few days that have won my heart. "Mama, can I sit in your lap because you are beautiful, soft, and cuddly?" "Mama, this will make you cry.... look how awesome this clayball is!" "What about Mickey, will he drown in the pool?" No Brad "Oh, that's right. He's smart!" He was crying because he didn't want to get ready for soccer "Is this where I play in front of people?" Yes, it's a game. "I don't want to go, I hate soccer. I hate it when I score and they all cheer for me. I don't want people to look at me. Delete soccer!" "Delete soccer" "Delete soccer!" - can you tell I have a total gamer on my hands. "Mama, can you upload my itouch?" Oh, you want me to download new updates? "NO, UPLOAD MY iTOUCH!" Brad where do you want to go eat "At home, I just like to be at home" Brad what do you want to do if you quit soccer? "Nothing, stay at home" Brad want to go to the movies? "No, I just want to go home" He was playing with an ant bed and got bit by a red ant (screaming) "Owie... my finger!!! Am I going to die?" I painted a picture and he told Cole "Mama painted that all by herself because she worked very hard on it. Good Job Mommy" Cole was looking for Brad and said "Brad where are you?" and Brad said "a special little place I call hell" - I said WHAT?! And he replied "oh, I mean a dark and scary place. Where does he get this stuff?

Another 1st

I dropped Cole off at soccer practice yesterday and left. I hated it. I have been to EVERY practice possible, and if I wasn't there, Keith was the coach. I just left him there trusting his coach to take care of him and keep his best interests at heart. I knew he would. My mind the whole time was playing "what if he gets hurt and I'm not there", "What if the coach tries to call me and his phone is dead", "what if Cole is passed out and can't give the coach my number to call on somebody else's phone?" And you can see where I went from there.... Crazyville. But, thankfully, all went well. Cole had a good time and a girlfriend brought him home just as the carpooling plan had been crafted. A first for me, I still don't like it. Sniff. Sniff.

One Would Think....

One would think I have so much free time on my hands that I should update my little bloggy blog a little more often than I have been doing. I don't understand how it happens either. The boys are older and a little more self sufficient. I don't need to spend tons of time hovering over them, but it's a small habit I've developed! They love it. Life just gets busier, in a good way. In a harder way. In a more complex way. I am really starting to miss the times when they were babies and we were trapped in a house all day long. We were looking at family pictures the other day and reality hit me like a brick. My babies are gone. We are done and out of that stage. How did that happen? It's over! Not a fun feeling. Cole and Brad are doing so great. They are fantastic kids and we are very very blessed to have such awesome boys. Cole is growing up so fast. He still plays soccer and we've started guitar lessons. His teacher thinks he is a child prodigy when it comes to how quickly he's picking it up. I find it equally shocking because he never practices at home! He loves it, and plays more than his fair share of Guitar Hero. I'm loving his interest in different types of music. He rocks out to the widest variety. I feel slightly proud of his music tastes. His interests go from Elvis, to Stevie Ray Vaughn, to ZZ top, and then back to Brad Paisley. Cole loves to be outside and has become addicted to fishing. The boy could fish ALL.DAY.LONG. He's a natural at everything with the slightest reservation to make him pause and think things through. Love him! Brad is such a kind hearted, sweet kid. To know him, is to love him. I'm soaking up every minute and am wrapped around his little finger. He's a mama's boy for sure. Perfectly fine with me! He's also the chick magnet. Little girls are knocking on the door all day long asking to play with Brad. It's totally innocent, but I'm wondering if this is a glimpse of the future?? He's been anxious about a few issues as school is starting up. We are working with him to help ease back into a routine. He's super smart, creative and funny. I'm so thankful to watch the world from his view. Keith is so busy you wouldn't believe everything he's involved in even if I wrote it all out. Ok, those who know him would absolutely believe it! He's a go-getter and that makes me one by default. Maybe that's why I long for sleepless children just so I have an excuse to stay at home with them and their nap schedules! He's loving FedEx, and the reserve squadron he flies with here at Sheppard. I'm loving the boy's elementary school! Life is good. I did lose my precious dog, Merlin, this summer. It was terrible and heartbreaking. I'm devastated to have lost him. He was my baby for 14 years. That poor dog was drug all over the country and tolerated moves, kids, LONG car rides, hotels, and a painfully long separation. I miss his little fox face like you wouldn't believe. Mickey is adjusting to life without MerMer too. It's so hard to watch him. If anyone ever says animals don't have feelings I beg to differ. Marty is a nut as usual. I swear she is one of the oddest cats to have ever lived. We love that loud sassy mouth and everything else that comes along with her. Ok, that is a quick update on things. I need to be better about updating. Life is traveling at neck breaking speeds! One day I will want to look back and read all these sweet moments.

Surprise Visit

Grandpa Greg and Grandma Ann came up for a visit on Tuesday night. They got to see Brad play a soccer game and then treated the boys to a dinner at ABC! The boys were surprised to see them. And it was a small rescue for me as well!

*Cole hid his backpack from me all weekend. I found it just before school started and noticed he had THREE conduct cuts last week. Interesting. He was only at school for THREE days. Grounded from his bike the rest of the week.

*Brad woke up and instead of getting ready for school he took off hiding in his room playing his DS. Taken away for the rest of the week.

*Brad came home and LOST HIS COOL when he realize I wouldn't let him play. Playa's gotta play. Major fit ensued for 90 minutes. Trying to get him dressed for his soccer game while throwing a temper tantrum and coming off his meds..... not a fun mommy moment.

*As this is happening, Cole is outside waiting on us...... RIDING HIS BIKE! = One crazy mommy.

I realize in the grand scheme of life these are minor, but it's enough to make me cray cray. So, we head to ABC for dinner and wouldn't you know there's a carnival in the mall parking lot. As a child I was never allowed to ride those rides because my mom deemed them unsafe. We were so mistreated!

Grandpa buys the boys tickets and they carefully find the ride they want to do first. Brad picks the haunted house. Umm... Brad, you know this is scary right? Yes, I want to go. Cole immediately backs out. So I make Grandpa go in with Brad. 30 seconds later out they come. Brad was NOT amused. So he takes it to pencil and paper:



Notice he didn't really do what his school work wanted to do, but it was what was on his mind! Express yourself Son!

Good Gravy!

You would think that with all the bonbon eating time I have, I would be able to update this little ole blog more often! Nope!

Life doesn't slow down and I think my children are making bigger messes. Let's see... What's been going on?

Cole's still paying soccer. I think his "love" for the game is falling. And that's ok. He wants to try basketball and other things... and that's ok too. Brad is doing AWESOME on the Little Flames. His coaches and teammates are so kind. The parents are encouraging and friendly. Sorry son, you're gonna have to stick with this team ;-)

Cole is doing well in school. He has two little friends that he's really close with - Chris and Carson. I took them and a little friend of Brad's to the Monster Truck Show. Yet another thing I never dreamed I would do, or enjoy in my life. Thank you God for the gift of boys. They LOVED it. So funny to watch their excitement.

Brad went to Chuck E Cheese with his little buddy Kyler. He's a sweet kid and I really like his mom. She's going to be VP on the PTA board next year.

Speaking of.... gulp.... I will be next year's president. I'm excited and looking forward to it. However, the outgoing president was so ON THE BALL that I'm nervous about the shoes I'm filling! So, wish me luck and sanity. I'm so lucky to be in the position to do this. Thank you Keith.

I found out that Brad has been skipping school. My kindergartner hates PE and arm circles so if he can't talk his teacher into letting him stay and color, he's been hiding in the bathroom. Mrs Dylla thinks this is a higher level thinking since he's already been able to figure a way out of it. How do you like my higher level thinking that doesn't catch on till April?!

Me: Brad, have you ever been to the bathroom at PE?
Brad: Nope. But my friend Christopher took a camera in there and took a picture and showed me. That's how I know what the inside of it looked like.....
Me: Brad, do you hide in the bathroom to skip PE class?
Brad: Not everytime, but I always do the right thing.

Clear as mud. I now have added the "please help me get Brad graduated through High School" to my prayer list. He's such a little gamer. My fine arts kid, and that's ok.

Keith finished training with FedEx and flew his first trip. He loved it and surprised us and made it home early!! He's been off a couple of weeks, but I say that term lightly. He's been working like a dog with the reserves and screens. It's been good to have him home. So far the plan is to fly a week, maybe two with FedEx and spend the rest of the time home with Air Force and Screens..... ???

We went to the OKC Zoo during Spring Break. I drove the boys and sweet Aly and girls up there. As we were leaving my van broke. We were stranded at Sonic "in the bad part of town" The fireman who helped us was more concerned about that then we were! We got to have our first ride in a tow truck. Interesting. My van spent a while in the shop up there and I had a loaner van. Thank you very much Andrew!! I wanted to be so upset and mad, but I just couldn't. We were dealing with a broken van and not a wrecked van. The kids were safe, just added to the adventure. Mike Victor got an all over tune up and he's running like a champ. I think he's got a few more years left in him!! - just like Merlin!

Micky and Merlin are doing good. Too good, much to Keith's demise. Marty is as needy and clingy as ever. She still is loud and bossy. I love it!

I've started running. Little by little - Couch to 5K. My knees are trying to tell me I'm too old for this, but I'm still 26 at best! Pippa Ass by September for sure.

I can't believe school is wrapping up soon. We are trying to plan a couple of little trips with the boys this summer. Brad is planning his birthday party. It changes daily. And we are trying to fix up the house a little more at a time.

Life is good. God is GREAT. I have no complaints. I'm off to Brad's Easter Egg hunt at school!!

8 minute update

Here I am with 8 minutes to update the blog before Brad's soccer practice.

Keith is gone for training. This is much better than the military kind of being "gone". I don't worry for his safety - other than getting mugged at Wally World. Both boys are in school all day so the bulk of my work is between 3-8pm. Not a bad gig.

However, the boys are absolutely falling apart without their Daddy here. They are so much more emotional. They are acting out at home and at school. Cole is acting out with soccer craziness. I feel like I have two teenage girls here. Sorry boys, kinda true.

opps - 8 minutes

MUAHAHAHAHA!

I told Cole to go take a shower and he cried back "Mom, we are just your slaves you boss around!"

Why yes my dear child, you have me figured out.

Soccer Mom

I've occasionally watched an episode or two of Dance Moms. Ugh. The whole situation is horrible. The kids are REALLY talented. However, they are being caught in such a toxic situation between their instructor and their coo-coo-for-coco-puffs mothers. I pray it's really just for the tv show. These women are vicious and will eat each other and small children ALIVE if given the chance. And there are plenty of chances.

We've had our fair share of soccer drama lately. It's dawned on me that I could be perceived as a coo-coo-for-coco-puffs soccer mom. Only possibly, maybe slightly. It's a very small chance, but I'm willing to admit it.

After a very complicated and long story (that I've only subject my nearest and dearest to the full rant!), Cole can not play this season in Wichita Falls. Ouch.

Keith and I have really tried to find the balance on too much soccer and being burnt out, or occasional breaks and he loses confidence in his skills. Honestly, he's eight. How did it get to be so hard? He's so driven and so critical on himself at such a young age... He feels like he should be playing against Messi in a couple of years! No joke. However, he's talented. If soccer is what he wants to do, I promised him I will do everything I can to make sure he's got the best training. Coo-coo!

So in order to keep him active and still playing, we've scheduled him to practice with The Saints 3 times a week in Wichita Falls and he will be able to practice/play in Dallas with The Texans. Mike Victor will be hitting highway 287 hard the next couple of months. Awesome. And if anyone knows how to be in two places at once, I would love to hear how you do it. Daddy is gone, Brad has practice and games on Saturdays. Cole has practice in town on Tuesdays and Thursdays, Friday night practice in Dallas, and Sunday games in Dallas.

I love this kid. I love watching him play. I love to hear him talk about being in the World Cup. Yet, I have to be prepared if he ever wants to quit. Maybe that's what makes us so crazy! Dang kids.

Chinface

A couple of months ago, I did a chinface with the boys. Do you know what I'm talking about? Here's a pic... mine wasn't nearly as cute. I'm always looking for new and creative ways to boss them around ;-)




The boys thought it was quite funny and thought they would try it for themselves.... this is what I found. Oh, have you ever seen a more precious face? Killin' me Bradley.

Starting Chapter 2

Today marks our first official day out of the Air Force, and yet my husband will be gone for 2 months. We haven't had to do the separation thing since we left Mountain Home in 2009. Oh, we've been trained and conditioned for temporary times such as this... it's just been a while.

I have so many mixed emotions on leaving the Air Force. It's been a great run filled with more memories than I can list. We learned things the hard way, found blessings in "disaster" assignments, and relied on each other. I truly consider my military friends = family. We loved on each other's babies as if they were our own, and knew someone was in the same boat. They were a call away at any time of the night. In fact, if the world could treat each other the way military families do, it could bring world peace. It was never saying goodbye, it was see you later at the next base. It forced you to dive in and get involved in each new assignment. You were no longer "new" to a town if you've been there 6 months. You better know the ropes because the next set of newbies were right behind you and they needed the same help you were given. There wasn't time to get to know each other, you were best friends right away, and you grew to love them even more.

Tricare has been a lifesaver for us and the boys. Never paid a cent for medical care, deliveries, always had my choice of Doctors, and could go in for a sniffle. No co-pays, $3 prescriptions, specialists, testing, therapy, and second opinions. There's a great safety net knowing you can always take care of your kids health without financial strain.

Keith got to fulfill a dream of being a fighter pilot. He was GREAT at it. He's a determined man always acting on his drive to live life to it's fullest. Thank you Keith for your service, thank you for the wild ride. I would do it all over again with you. Now, with shaky legs we venture out into civilian life. Nobody telling us where to go, but weighing decisions on our own. I'm so excited for your new adventure with Federal Express. Don't worry about us, we'll be here truckin' on with our budget and Ramen noodles! Waiting for you to embrace a new kind of life.

Brad read a book tonight. Not just the pamphlets he brings home from school - a BOOK! The kid who refused to do his popcorn words 3 weeks ago. I'm floored. Excited. Elated!! For if I had a million days and time enough for all the praise, I couldn't tell you all the ways, I LOVE YOU!! Yea Brad!!

Mer

This is my first baby. He's been by my side for a long long time. There through the very good and the very bad. He's my loyal companion and I love him so. He's my hound dog and high maintenance farm dog all rolled into one. Now he's starting to get older and showing his age. I don't know how much longer I have with my buddy, but when I see him like this, my heart hopes he lives forever.

867-5309

Oh Bradley, my little ladies man. He scored his first girl's phone number today. He brought me this tiny little piece of paper with 5 year old handwriting of just numbers. It was Charolette's phone number. Today was her birthday and Brad said we have to go over to her house tonight. The boy was adamant! So, I gave it a call. Sure enough, it was Charolette's mom. And today was actually her birthday. We were kinda invited to her party on Saturday at 3:00. She said she would bring an invitation tomorrow. I apologized and didn't want to invite ourselves, but Brad was sure he was coming to their house tonight.

After I told him about the party, he said he wants to buy her a ring as her gift. I can't decide if I should be afraid of the smoothness or think its still sweet......... Until I heard this:

Chase lynn: brad, did you play with anyone else while I was gone? Like Emily?
Brad : no.
Chase lynn: oh, cause you said you would if I was gone too long


WHAT! New rule, all of Brad's communication will be done through ME!

Day 11 (Sorry Erin)

Today Keith has been gone 11 days (you gotta start somewhere). I will be the first to admit we miss him dearly. But the Air Force has prepared me for times such as these.

So far I've:

* sent a fax. This is a big deal because I am secretly afraid of fax machines. I mean, really, how does a paper WITH pictures go through the phone line? I don't get it, and find it to be the creepiest techie invention yet. Don't rebuke my argument with the tiny hand-held computers (smart phones). Those are just magic.

*scanned a couple of documents and saved them according to Keith's instructions. A feat within it's self

*filed our web taxes for both businesses

*returned phone calls and scheduled estimates I will be doing myself. I'm kicking ass at the CEO stuff.

*mailed off crashpad leases

*shipped off Keith's broken camera (thank heaven for insurance!)

*cleaned out the pool skimmers, and filled

*watered my flowers

*checked the mail. I ehat checking the mail. In fact, I didn't even know what mailbox number we were before Keith left. Not my job. And those bills can sit there! Oh, speaking of... I should go pay those. The next place we move will HAVE to have a mailbox at the end of the driveway. End of discussion.

*Kept up with a clean house, fed my children, grocery shopped, and basically held the house together (which as every woman knows requires too much paper and ink to list)

*oh, and answered questions such as "Who was the first man in the world?" "Well then, who was the third man?" "Why did God come back as a baby?" "Does that mean we're all related?" "Where are my shoes?" "Can I play my itouch?" and "Is the tooth fairy real because Morgan says mommies sneak in your room and put money down while they steal your tooth?"

Overall, I feel like I've got a real handle on things. Basically:

Starting A New Trend

Did you know my children can rip holes in jeans in less than 10 minutes after purchase. I would say it's a real gift they possess. Always the left knee? What is up with that?

There's a dress code at school that states there can not be any holes in denim. So this is my handy dandy patchwork. I'm torn between homemaker gone wild or expensive designer distressed. You know - the $200 jeans that look like they've been worn for 10 years.

In an effort to save money and NOT spend another $15 on kids jeans, I'm hoping to convince my boys how COOL they will look with the Dad's-white-tshirt- patch job. Or maybe my problem is the fact I refuse to spend more than $15 on their jeans. NaaaaH!

I'm Spreading The Word

Starts with an L

I picked the boys up from school yesterday and told them I had a surprise. We were going somewhere and I gave them clues:

Me: It starts with an L
Cole: Loony Tune Land
Me: It has thousands and thousands of these things in them
Cole: ??
Me: Dewy Decimal Point System
Cole: I don't even know what that is.
Me: Card Catalog
Cole: Are we going to Best Buy?
Me: Second letter is I
Cole: Loony Tune Land

I wanted to hit my head on a wall.... what in the world are they learning in school? And I really should have taught them this sooner. We went to the City Library and they each got library cards. I showed them how to use the computer catalog and told them how it use to be all these cards in a little box. They looked at me like I was crazy. We found the numbers and how to find the aisle it was in.... and we picked out...... How To Eat Friend Worms.

Crazy enough, the kid's name is Billy - the same name of the boy in Where the Red Fern grows. So far we are 50 pages in and they find it "alarious" Makes me happy!!

Boys Updated

Cole recently stopped saying "redult" instead of "adult". I don't know who taught him the difference, but I'm a little upset by it. He's not allowed to grow up so clearing his vocabulary from cute baby sayings is forbidden.

However, on the flip side.... yesterday he was telling me a story about something that happened at school and he said it was "alarious" (as in hilarious) Be still my heart!! I need a few more years of hearing "alarious" ;-) Don't ruin it for me!

I'm still absolutely shocked every time I pick up Brad from school. I can't wait to take a look in his folder. I'm also noticing a difference in how Mrs. Dylla is treating him. She's hugging him and commenting on how sweet he is. I'm sure it's difficult for a teacher, but knowing that she's seeing the kid inside that I know he is, delights me to no end. She's always cared for him and looked out for him, but now I feel like she's really LOVING him. Brad is writing EVERYTHING! I call it his "tag", but he's writing "I love Cole, Mom, Dad, God, Jesus" on each and every paper he brings home. I find this a far cry from the boy two weeks ago saying I hate everybody, everybody hates me, and I want a new family. He even told me the other day "I don't like the days we don't go to school!" HOLY COW!

The child who Keith and I thought would never grow out of whining, has stopped. He's not throwing fits, he's understanding directions and following them. He's telling me about problems with words and not screaming and crying. I'm bummed Keith isn't here to see the differences. I think he will be FLOORED when he gets back next weekend!

Day 3

Today is day #3 for Brad. It was the first day I've been able to spend the day with him to see his reactions. AMAZING! He never cried or became frustrated. He was able to follow my directions - more than 2 things at a time! We had a conversation that I could feel he understood. Again, I can tell when it's wearing off. Very irritable and cranky. Crying and anger. I'm sure he's not use to his little body feeling fine and then all scattered again. We're still going to try a few more days to see if he starts to understand how it's helping him and how it's ok when it wears off.

I guess I never wanted to medicate because my though process was "how can you tell if he's really ADD/ADHD when he's just four or five?" Let him be four or five and we will cross this bridge when we really have school work. Even though we have had him certified tested to prove it, I didn't REALLY believe it because he wasn't the kid running and jumping, or climbing the walls. His thoughts were so rampet, so jumbled, he has so many ideas and things he wants to express, but he couldn't. Lord, please let this give him the self esteem he needs. I don't think I could ever breathe again if he decided to hurt himself.

Today is also kinda Day 1. Keith left for Memphis. He's off to find his fortune as my Grandmother would say. FedEx training starts on Monday. He will be back in 2 weeks before he starts up again for 3 months. We can brave the next couple of weeks before our lives get really busy soon......

Next post: I eat stress for breakfast!

Where The Red Fern Grows

I have always read to the boys. Short bedtime stories, reptile facts, animal magazines, the directions on their wii Lego games - but this was the first time we've sat down as a family and conquered our first novel. Time to get caught up with my children and their "classics". I vowed I would read them with my kids and this was book number one.

I was actually surprised they sat and listened for 45 minutes at a time. I loved all our time together and their genuine interest in the book. There were several times Cole would say "Oh, do you think it was the same as back in that other chapter?" He wanted to know the meaning of the words, where this had taken place, and all about everything! I was shocked to hear him say "No, mom - do you think it was the same mountain lion that almost got them when he first got his dogs?" - before the reference in the book was even mention. I'm shocked at the comprehension!

As we neared the end of the book, I had to read ahead. I had been warned it was "super sad", so my only guess would be the dogs died. Well, I can't say there were any tears because it was obvious. I'm a heart of stone.

Last night we tackled the last two chapters with Cole and Brad. They hung onto my every word. When we reached the saddest point - no tears from my boys! Not a drop! I will admit when I read it the second time, I teared up when the mention of the mother and father hurting so deeply for Billy. At the sight of this my boys were LAUGHING! At ME! They laughed through the end of the book. Cole said he wanted to be sad, but just couldn't. That was the end of that! I guess they are more of a "cat person". They're as cold as ice! What's next on our reading agenda? I can't wait to pick out a new one!

How Much Longer?

Will they be able to sit in the same chair to play? Please don't say "not long", I know it's obvious, but my heart can't bare the thought.

My Little B

I thought we had worked through most issues. The fits are back. It pains me to watch him scream and cry - not knowing why he feels the way he does. He doesn't remember half of what he says or what the issue was that started it.

The worst part is his low self confidence. He doesn't believe anyone loves him. Everyone is out to get him, and you can't even comfort him. Now, he wants to start hurting himself. At FIVE. Only 5 years old and he says things that break my heart into a thousand pieces. I will protect him to the end, risk life and limbs to keep him from every predator out there. Mama Bear on attack. How do I stop him from hurting himself?

After almost a year of "waiting it out" or being on the fence, we are going with the Dr's recommendation.

The first day was horrible. Today is the second day, and so far so good. He was the first one in the class to complete his work and you should see how much he did!! This is just what he did today!! Usually he doesn't even complete a page of work.




Benjamin Bunny like to blow blue brow(n) black bubbles


This kind of math worksheet was NEVER competed.. He finished the front AND back







It says, I love Cole, Mom, Cad, God, Jesus. my bear's name is Paos. My bear lives in the cave. My bear eats fish.

I'M FLIPPING OUT!! I'm so proud of him. It's a night and day difference. Brad honey, I hope you feel better about yourself. You are smart, You are kind, and You are important! I know you are destined for great things baby. I can't wait for you to show the world all the reasons I love you so - Forever your biggest fan!

Ego training.... Check

I really should write more often. My boys are growing and changing so fast. They are a blink away from being grown ups. I don't like it at all.

For whatever crazy reasons, I never read several of the "classic" books as a child. I know a few were even required readings. How I skipped them, I'll never know. One of my Christmas gifts was the book Where The Red Fern Grows. It's one of Keith's favorite all time books and he's wanted to read it to the boys for a while now. For the past week, we've all sat around together and read a couple of chapters a day. The boys are really into it. In fact, everytime I finish a chapter I say "the end" and close the book. It's always followed by pleas to keep reading.

Tonight I read the part where Billy is at the championship coon hunt and he's walking around the camp looking at all the other dogs. He overhears somebody say "isn't that the boy with those hounds?" and his head fills with so much pride it could burst.

Enter Cole. He stops me and says "kinda like me..... When I won that soccer trophy?". Ooh, yes. I stopped reading and told him he was so excited just like Billy. Then Cole asks..."what did I win that for again?". He was fishing for me to tell him all the good things the coach did when he got the trophy. As if he didn't remember. Because he's cute and only 8, I went off on Coles talents.

Umm, honey? Can we return to the book now?