I want a sandwich

I watch a lot of tv, more than I care to admit. I've cut out quite a few shows, but still the television is mine every night at 7pm.

One show I typically do NOT watch is Parenthood. I caught the tail end of one episode the other day. The parents were arguing and said the child had Asperger's, unbeknownst to them the child was standing there watching and replied "What's Asperger's?" Clips of the next week's episode were of the parents trying to explain what it was to their child.

I was intrigued. I watched the following episode last week and it's still running through my head and heart over and over again. The little boy threw a fit over blue shoes, not the identical black ones, but only the blue would do. Been there. He little boy threw a fit at the amusement park when he just couldn't understand the ride was closed for maintenance. As onlookers gawked at the "spoiled brat" fit, the kid just hit and kicked the father trying to calm him down. ***tears*** Been there. I'm there everyday. Fits for orange bunnies, elf hats, hippo squinkies...... sigh....

I have very personal days where I kick myself for thinking there's something more to Brad. I carry a heavy guilt that he will one day grow up and feel as if I never thought he measured up - completely inaccurate. Then on bad days I know I'm right. I know there's something more that I can't help him with. There's a disconnect in his understanding and his frustrations.

I don't know why I'm chasing after a "label" or diagnosis. I think my heart wants a check list with complete answers. Oh, you have _______? Follow this list and life will be easier. I know that's not how it works. I wish it did.

Yesterday Brad had a complete meltdown over a sandwich. I want a sandwich. Give me a sandwich. Can't function without a sandwich. Kicking, screaming, and uncontrollable over a sandwich. I know it sounds silly, and I'm sure there would have been stares and judgments if others were inside these 4 walls to witness the sandwich episode. For the record, he got a nutella sandwich. Immediately before dinner, which he did not touch.

??? Give in to the fits? Treat it like a strong willed child? Is there a right answer? What is going to make life easier for him in the long run? What will help him understand there won't always be a mommy and daddy to cradle and soothe him with calm words and affection when his actions scream for punishment? Will he outgrow this?

I read an article today that a lady went bizerk in a cupcake shop when they didn't have her favorite flavor. The store owner said she wouldn't even calm down long enough to tell her she could make some immediately. She caused hundreds of dollars worth of damage and police are looking for her. Initially I think crazy woman, then I think maybe she just didn't get the help she needed when she was younger. She never outgrew it.

Who knows. I'm venting and wish nobody had to deal with fits about blue shoes, broken roller coasters, sandwiches, or cupcakes. I wish there was a list to follow promising an easier life. I wish I knew the right way to help him.

Bradley, I love you more than you will ever ever know.

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
— Albert Einstein