Time

We left on a cruise boat. Ran away from the world and reality for a bit. It was a trip planned long before life got crazy. A trip we were cleared to take. It might sound crazy to some. Leave on a tropical vacation a week after your delivered your daughter.... but it was exactly what we needed.

The boys were in good hands and I really had limited contact with them between "that day" and the day we flew out. If I did, I almost don't remember much of it. We sailed away to escape. I couldn't have asked for better travel buddies. I love Steve and Ashley. I didn't have to pretend, or explain why I couldn't get in the water. We didn't have to keep up and fake our way through high adrenalin excursions. We sat, we talked, we prayed, we ate, and ate, and ate, and ate.

I was even ready to get back. Ready to be a mom, wanting to wash their hair, and clean up behind them. I was looking forward to routines, schedules, and life together again. A perfect get away, and a perfect reunion.

The morning after we returned, sweet Cole crawled into bed to snuggle. The only thing he said was "Mom, how big was the baby's heart?" I know he still is thinking about her and processing his questions and feelings. I just hope we are able to help him in honest ways without causing fear or doubt for our love for him.

We've been overwhelmed with people sending their love and prayers. Honestly, it was truly God's love sent to us through each and every one of you. Life can be beautiful, even when it's painful. I'm reading some books and trying to get a grasp on everything that's happened. There's one book, that has the answers and has told me time and time again. His word. I'm totally convinced that God had a plan for Carrie, and God was equally, if not more, heartbroken over her passing. He was crying with me. He was wiping my tears, and He was holding my baby. Without a doubt, I believe she is healed and with our Father. Without a doubt, I believe He will help us through this trial. Without a doubt, I know he will piece my heart back together. I just have to hand it over to Him through faith. Every day. His word says so.



"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.." Jeremiah 1:5

"Jesus wept" John 11:40

"See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven." Matthew 18:10

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

"My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life." Psalm 119:50



I hope you don't think I can slap a bunch of bible verses on my wounds and call it good. That's not how it works. The most amazing thing about God's word is that it keeps you coming back for more. Often times it will raise more questions, and more questions, and sometimes questions that aren't answered this side of Heaven. But what it does tell me, I believe through faith. Believe me, I'm not a biblical scholar. I don't know all of the stories or histories of the great men and women of the bible. I wish I were a better Christian, teacher, and leader. But if you don't have faith or a relationship with God and have questions, please ask. There's no such thing as a dumb question (believe me, I asked them publicly in a bible study and loving women helped me without laughing) and there's never a too-late-to-start age limit.

I usually don't get this "heavy", but I want to share my hope with you. If you don't know Him, He's waiting with open arms.