I want a sandwich

I watch a lot of tv, more than I care to admit. I've cut out quite a few shows, but still the television is mine every night at 7pm.

One show I typically do NOT watch is Parenthood. I caught the tail end of one episode the other day. The parents were arguing and said the child had Asperger's, unbeknownst to them the child was standing there watching and replied "What's Asperger's?" Clips of the next week's episode were of the parents trying to explain what it was to their child.

I was intrigued. I watched the following episode last week and it's still running through my head and heart over and over again. The little boy threw a fit over blue shoes, not the identical black ones, but only the blue would do. Been there. He little boy threw a fit at the amusement park when he just couldn't understand the ride was closed for maintenance. As onlookers gawked at the "spoiled brat" fit, the kid just hit and kicked the father trying to calm him down. ***tears*** Been there. I'm there everyday. Fits for orange bunnies, elf hats, hippo squinkies...... sigh....

I have very personal days where I kick myself for thinking there's something more to Brad. I carry a heavy guilt that he will one day grow up and feel as if I never thought he measured up - completely inaccurate. Then on bad days I know I'm right. I know there's something more that I can't help him with. There's a disconnect in his understanding and his frustrations.

I don't know why I'm chasing after a "label" or diagnosis. I think my heart wants a check list with complete answers. Oh, you have _______? Follow this list and life will be easier. I know that's not how it works. I wish it did.

Yesterday Brad had a complete meltdown over a sandwich. I want a sandwich. Give me a sandwich. Can't function without a sandwich. Kicking, screaming, and uncontrollable over a sandwich. I know it sounds silly, and I'm sure there would have been stares and judgments if others were inside these 4 walls to witness the sandwich episode. For the record, he got a nutella sandwich. Immediately before dinner, which he did not touch.

??? Give in to the fits? Treat it like a strong willed child? Is there a right answer? What is going to make life easier for him in the long run? What will help him understand there won't always be a mommy and daddy to cradle and soothe him with calm words and affection when his actions scream for punishment? Will he outgrow this?

I read an article today that a lady went bizerk in a cupcake shop when they didn't have her favorite flavor. The store owner said she wouldn't even calm down long enough to tell her she could make some immediately. She caused hundreds of dollars worth of damage and police are looking for her. Initially I think crazy woman, then I think maybe she just didn't get the help she needed when she was younger. She never outgrew it.

Who knows. I'm venting and wish nobody had to deal with fits about blue shoes, broken roller coasters, sandwiches, or cupcakes. I wish there was a list to follow promising an easier life. I wish I knew the right way to help him.

Bradley, I love you more than you will ever ever know.

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
— Albert Einstein

Spring Soccer Season 2011

It's the Eve of our season openers. Believe me, I know how crazy that sounds, but I use it to describe how absolutely serious a young Colby McDaniel is about tomorrow.

He's told me all week long how nervous he is about the game tomorrow. He's heard they are playing the best team in their division. He's anxious and is constantly needing his little ego to be stroked. Tonight in the car:

Cole: Mom, when I play in the World Cup will I play against Christian Renaldo?
Me: Well, if he is still playing when you get to the World Cup, yes - you will play against him.
Cole: Do you think I can beat him?
Me: Yes baby, I think you'll easily beat him.

We might have even made a trip to Academy for some underarmor clothes to keep them warm tomorrow. Daddy bought them new soccer balls (#12 and #13 around here, but who's counting?) They are so excited.

We were putting the boys to bed tonight at 9:30pm. We have to be at the fields by 8am. I told Cole he has to go right to sleep because we'll be up early. He needed a complete countdown of how much time he has to sleep and when he has to be up. "Is it almost time for me to wake up already?" No honey, you have about 8 hours. Lots of time for good rest. Settle down.

We said extra special prayers for the boys first day tomorrow. Cole's about chewed all the skin off his thumb nails (a little habit he's picked up from his GG!) The clothes are laid out, the chairs and blankets are packed in the van, water bottles ready to be filled, and cameras charging. It's the Eve of a big day in the McDaniel house. I secretly love it.

Tapping Out

Seriously, I can not take another "fire" that needs to be put out today. I was once a calmer more rational adult. Lately, I've had a bit of a spitfire under my rear. I'm reacting in ways I typically don't. I'm just warning those within my immediate circle. The rest of the world might not know what they're dealing with.

I'm off to deal with the DMV, the Public Water Department, North Texas Design and Landscape, WinStar Casinos, The Peanut Butter Company, and all else who might fall in the way.

Special Day Indeed

Today Brad had class pictures. In a rare occurrence, I ironed a shirt for him to wear. I dressed him while it was still warm and he said...

"mmmm, this feels like cupcakes"

He makes my heart happy.

What Goes Around......

Cole does not like to read. He has been slacking on his reading assignments and refuses to read each night. He's way behind on his book count and his inserts due every Monday and Friday. He cries and fights it, so do I push him? Nope, I figured he would have gotten in trouble at school by now. He hasn't.

So, yesterday I sat down with him to catch up on some reading and again he flat out refused to read the page. Thinking I was so clever, I calmly took out a piece of paper and wrote the following note and read it directly to Cole:



Dear Ms. Hitt,

I am having a very difficult time getting Cole to complete his reading assignments. He is not keep up with his take home booklets or the assigned books. He is refusing to read despite punishments at home.

Will you please start counting his homework as incomplete and he will accept the consequences at school.

Thank you, Jennifer McDaniel



I told him this note will go in his folder to take to school and he matter of fact told me "you know, I'm just going to throw it away."

HA! A page right out of my own book. I almost couldn't be mad at him and it took all I had not to laugh. He went on with his rant that I am only trying to get him in more trouble and it's all my fault.

I called and told my parents this story. They laughed and said he was my child. My Dad might have even said it made his month. I'm slightly afraid of what the teen years will bring if he already thinks like this in FIRST grade!! Heaven help me!

My Heart

My friend Christa brought me a present on loan! She has a full up fetal heartbeat doppler she brought over complete with ultrasound gel! Each night at bedtime I've been able to listen to baby thump, thump, thump away. Hello in there!

So cool!

Saturday night it was beating 176bpm. Tonight it was 166bpm.

There has been very sad baby/pregnancy news within our squadron and other fellow AF friends. I do not want to take one day for granted. This little one is already a member of this family and our hearts are forever changed. One precious beat at a time.

Commissary Trip

The last time I went to the commissary, I was in a major rush that day. I came home and put all the cold stuff away and left the rest. I had bags on the floor and counter tops, but I had to get back out the door to take Brad to speech.

I should have known that my compulsive eater of a dog Mickey would get into something. He ate FOUR chocolate power bars. Blah. Just thinking of eating that much make my stomach want to explode. Sure enough, he was in so much pain it required an emergency trip to the ER. Two hours later I was out $65 and four power bars.

Interesting enough, I went to the commissary again today - on a speech day. This time I bought 8 power bars and they are sitting on my counter. I feel like I've outsmarted the smartie! I should probably start putting groceries away before I have to pick up Brad again. However, I'm nauseous from all the iron pills and being around food makes me want to vomit. Must.Fight.Through.