Another Day in Paradise

I'm starting to see the humor in it now, but this is the actual email I sent Keith last night:


Keith -

I know I'm suppose to be holding down the home front and shouldn't worry you with my bad days. But if I don't vent this out to someone I will go postal.

I quit - I will never ever ever ever never mow or weed eat a yard again. I quit and I am hiring the boy down the street. What was once a 1 hour job turned into 4. I broke the mower as soon as I started it - riped the cord right out of the engine. It started, but that also meant I could not shut it off till I was done. 2 seconds into the job, I look over and Brad is playing with the fishing pole and HOOK! WHO LEAVES THE HOOK STILL ON THE POLE IN KID SIGHT!!!! I'm screaming like a crazy lady for him to drop it (keep in mind I can't let go of the mower) Then the bag fills up, but I can't stop the mower. So I toss the bag off and then have to keep dumping the excess that was building up in the funnel. Every time I would lift the lid it blew grass clippings in my face. Good times. Brad's in the street and I can't see Cole.

I finish the yard, the boys are running in and out (dragging grass clippings all over my freshly moped floor). Now it's time to weed eat. Let me just tell you, part of me hates you for leaving me with this piece of crap weed eater. I don't know if Steve re-stringed it wrong, but the line kept falling out every 10 feet. I had to stop and re thread and reload that dumb thing over a dozen times. Here's my next gripe - that damn playset. There is a reason all of the pictures show it on the ceder chips and recycled tires. That's so people don't have to weed eat around all the nooks and crannies. It sucked. I hurt from contorting my body and holding that thing and it still didn't get it all. Oh - as I'm under the fort getting the "sandbox", I look over and Brad is hanging by his neck on his swing. Don't ask, but he almost strangled himself. I can't get out, I can't shut the thing off... he falls to the ground in a blood curdling scream. As soon as I get started again, I see Cole sitting on his face trying to put a band aid on his neck. Brad didn't care for that either.

On top of all this, your children don't listen for worth a shit. I set them up with snacks, Wii bowling, toys... and what do they do?? - THROW ROCKS AT ME WHILE I'M WEED EATING! I'm not kidding. I come inside and they have DESTROYED my clean house. The house I've been cleaning for 3 days - it's a mess. they threw their food all over the place - dumped the water bowl all over the floor (mixed with grass clippings) and Brad took his poopy diaper off and is running everywhere. I'm so ticked off. As of now, they are still alive, but I can't promise anything for the remaining 15 minutes before bedtime.

I hope you had a good day, because mine sucked. I am tired. At least I got rid of one less responsibility today - lawn care. I swear, if I have to do that again while somehow tending to our children - I will wack everyone/everything in a 10 mile radius. I'm off to go clean up poop - off the walls, out of the carpet. Then I'm going to cry for about 45 minutes with some chocolate.

Don't call to tell me about your bad day, I promise you will not top this. I will still love you in the loony bin, Jen