So shocking..

Let's start another blog post about how terrible I am as a consistent blogger. (insert eyeroll) I think I'm honest enough to admit I'm terrible at this and do not even have a good excuse. So - I just wanted to jot down some quick things before I forget them in my failing memory. Brad started off the school year rough. We signed him up for an after school program and he's been assigned a tutor to work with him one on one. Her name is F. Waltmann and we can't get over the change in Brad!!!! Not only is he doing great in school, but his confidence is up, he seems so much more mature, he's making friends, and loving school! We went from 5 hours a night of homework to him saying school was the best part of his day! Totally amazing. Katina Waltmann even invited us over for cake and coffee. Her family is so kind. I will never forget what she's done for Brad. On the flip side, Cole started off really great at school. He was loving the social aspect and making so many new friends. He loved the break time between classes where he dominated the tish tennis (table tennis) tables. Then the parent/teacher meetings took place. It seems his teachers painted the worst of the worst scenarios. Now we're still dealing with the fallout just hoping they don't kick him out of school for the remainder of the year. The hardships of Germany plus the reality of Cole's school situation has caused us to change our bid. I'm ready to move. I wished it could have worked out longer. Keith really likes his job and there's benefits to staying, but I think it's time to leave. The decision now is "Where?" I guess we have a few months to decide. Ah, I love the smell of stress 24/7. I flew home to Texas for a quick trip in November. I can't believe how much I missed understanding people around me, driving, reading the billboards and talking on the phone! Most of all, I really missed my friends and family  It was such a quick trip but was able to see so many. I've vowed to bring the kids back this summer. Cute moments: Brad was really sassy one night and got in trouble for talking back to us. He screamed at us that he had a black heart. God gave him a broken heart like Carrie and now she's dead. I'm always unprepared for what comes out of his mouth. We tried to explain to him the best we could, but Brad is convinced he has a black heart. Our elderly neighbor next door isn't doing well health-wise. Her son has been here quite a bit to help her. I asked the boys "when I am old and have a hard time getting around, will you help me in the car and drive me to the store?" Brad simply stroked my face with his tiny hand and looked right into my eyes and nodded yes. This is why I will buy him a new car and pony. I'm constantly discovering what drives Cole. He really responds to positive reinforcement, building his confidence and praising! He has a rough start to his soccer team this year. We've ironed out a few bumps and now he's really doing well. I think his coach found him a new position on the field and he's really stepping up! I'm so proud of him. I'm sad to leave this type of training. I need to find a way to pick and choose all my favorites and form my own little world. Both boys know the truth of Santa this year. I wish we could have recorded Brad's reaction. Cole warned us not to tell him. We should have listened. He was so mad. There was a whole rant about how Santa is dead. I'm a little sad how this season will be. They already don't care about finding Jelf the Elf anymore. I feel robbed of so much time with them. They celebrate St. Nicholas Day over here so there isn't a "Santa" per se. Ugh. Germany.

Family Pics 2014

https://plus.google.com/photos/104542351719038038676/albums/6074880272461286145

Bon Bons

If I had actual bon bons I would be eating those. Instead I am resorting to my secret stash of Reece's Peanut Butter cups. Germany doesn't sell these small cups of life. This fact alone should raise all sorts of questions about the environment they provide for their citizens. Today is Wednesday. My most favorite dance class is going on right now down the road, but I can't find the strength to get up and go. I'm dressed, ready, and depressed. Guess which one wins? Why you ask? Another blow to the constant, never ending, frustrating, DRAMA which daily evolves into a new form. Yesterday Keith and I rode our bikes to school with Brad. After drop off, we rode to the train stop. I bought a coke from my favorite keiosk and we boarded the train downtown. We had an appointment with an attorney to go over all our landlord crap. It felt reassuring we had legal protection over here dealing with this house. Keith and I stumbled upon this museum of sorts. We walked inside and discovered it was Roman ruins under ground. Canals and buildings dating back to the year 4. I wish more of the placards were in English. I bet it is more remarkable than what we could decipher from the readings. We strolled over to Starbucks, in and out of shops, and finally landed at a fancy place for lunch. As I was sitting there, a sense of peace came over me. I thought "This is so nice. Finally an easy day!" QUE: DRAMA. We returned home to find an eviction notice from our landlord. The history and dealings with this guy are fully documented in HUNDREDS of emails and texts. I know in the States we would have NO issues in suing his ass for all the wrong doings. However, we aren't in the States. It doesn't work that way over here. Honestly, I have no idea how it works, but I'm so dis-attached to figure it out. We have 2 weeks to be out. Oh, and he wants 12,000 Euro. Me too buddy! Get in line!!! There's so much to say, I don't even know where to start. I know we aren't in the wrong. I don't know why we are being tested so hard and so consistently. I am officially requesting peace with Karma. I deeply apologize for everything - just make it end! I'm sitting on the couch waiting for Keith to tell me the news. I don't know what it will be. Today could be filled with peace and understanding or shit is about to hit the fan. I'm guessing the latter. Welcome to Germany.

Bedtime

Tucking Cole into bed tonight and he says "I love you. You're the best mom in the world." I told him I love him more and I'm so lucky to have him. Then I said, "I'm sorry I mess up all the time". Cole replies "but so do we"

Time to go buy him a pony.

Consistency

I lack consistency. We had a great whirlwind summer. I should blog about it. We went to Barcelona, San Sebastian, Gothenburg, and Copenhagen. We came home and have a long visit from Grandpa and Bobbie.

School started this week. Cole started high school. 5th grade. There was a big ceremony for him. I didn't understand a word of it, but apparently it was a big deal. He has the same schedule as Aiden. They ride their bikes to the train stop and then take the train to school. It's been a hard time letting go. I have so many questions about all the unknowns. Cole is a bit tired of answering.

Brad also started 3rd grade in a German public school. It's a walk down the road. I couldn't drive there if I wanted to! No parking! Truly a neighborhood school. His teacher is sweet enough.. My stomach turns when he tells me people tease him and he sits by himself at recess. I tell him it will get better. Lord, please let it get better.

Keith is back in the states for recurrent training. He left early to travel with Grandpa and Bobbie. I'm glad he did. He's had the chance to visit all our friends. I'm insanely jealous. I'm so torn between spending the $ to visit. The whole point coming over here was to save money. It seems counterproductive to the pain we've endured. Speaking of....

August 5, 2014 was our one year anniversary to being in Germany. We survived. That's all I have to say about that.
So, I'm trying to be hopeful that our second year here is much better than our first. We've worked out the kinks. Right? Lord, please tell me it gets better.

Grey Hair

The little girls upstairs had a small lice outbreak. This is one of those childhood things that happens to everyone, but it's also one of my greatest fears!! Anyway, Keith was checking my head and in the process found a grey hair! GULP! Surely it was an isolated incident! Today I went to get my hair colored and the lady told me I have several more!! OMG!! I could have been greying for years but have never known because of all the coloring. This is the longest I've been without color. Being German, she is forced to be very direct and blunt. So I'm blogging: today I'm a greying, almost 38 year old chick. Sniff. Sniff. It was bound to happen.

Bedtime

My kids have always been super easy to put to bed. I've been very lucky in this field. They're old enough now to bathe, dress, brush their own teeth, clean up the bathroom and get in bed all while I'm up here working candy crushing. How did this happen so quickly? I clearly remember the chore of getting toddlers ready for bed. The baths, bath toys, soap in the eyes, the very stinky and unwashed superman pjs, aquaphor, brushing their teeth with the baby toothbrushes. Now I yearn to smother them in baby lotion. We just have a different kind of routine here. I'll tell them if they can shower and be in bed in 20 minutes, I'll rub their feet. My high maintenance lads don't mess around with that promise!! They lay in bed and talk to me while I massage their feet for 10 minutes each. I'm basically creating monsters and their girlfriends and spouses will one day hate me. When they run out of things to talk about, they want to hear stories from me! They ask very good questions for conversation starters. They ask "how did you meet Daddy?" "tell me about your first pet" "what was your first car" "who was your best friend growing up" "tell me about when I was born" "how did you pick my name"??? If this is how they date girls, I'm in trouble! We talk about everything under the sun. It's my favorite time of the day. We say prayers and Cole always wants to snuggle. I'll lay with him and he says the sweetest things. Tonight this conversation happened... C - I love you so much mommy. You're the best mommy in the world. Me - I love you baby bear. I could do better. I fail you more times than I should. C - No, you're the best you can be. Me - You deserve more. You're great kids and I'm a lucky mommy. C - We're lucky kids. God, thank you for this kid. Please don't let me screw him up too badly!!

Easter 2014

This Easter we had to leave very early in the morning for a soccer tournament. We thought this would be the right time to really explain what Easter means for believers. We sat down on Saturday night and we watched Passion. We told the boys there is no such thing as the Easter bunny. Parents hide the eggs and buy treats for the kids. Cole asked me "so you got us our stuff?" Yes, Cole. He said "thank you mama" Sweet kid.

I thought their natural inquiry would lead to questions of Santa and the tooth fairy but they didn't. I'm sure we will cross that bridge soon.

We didn't dye eggs or hide them. Part of me is ok with that. We talked about the meaning of Easter and it's importance. Stripped down to the truth. It was perfect.

Lost Phone

Hahaha... remember that time Keith lost his wallet? Yeah, that was fun. The day was March 7th. Keith's birthday! Keith was on his way home from a trip and I was at the mall with a friend. As I'm leaving I get a email from Keith. It reads: "Jen, someone stole my phone. Change all the passwords immediately. Start with USAA." Crap. I rush home and start changing every password I can think of. I'm amazed how much more a cell phone is besides a phone. All our bank information, dropbox, itunes, paypal, ebay, amazon, all the apps we have where you can buy it now..... had to be changed immediately. I'm so mad, but trying to be understanding as he's commuting back and so tired after flying all night. He put it in his backpack and fell asleep waiting on his flight home. When he woke up, he noticed it gone from his bag. Happy Birthday. His plane was late and we bought him tickets to the FC Koln soccer game. He was going to miss the game too. :-( We left him cupcakes on the counter and his ticket in case he made it. He was able to catch up with us and made the game. FC Koln won. It was a small upswing on a pretty crummy birthday. The next morning I was checking FB and I noticed a friend request by a lady in Barcelona. I found it odd. Keith was just in Barcelona. I accepted and what do you know.... SHE FOUND HIS PHONE! She refused any reward or payment and only wanted to do what is right. She asked for our address and shipped Keith's phone back to him. Can you believe it? We have a lot of paying it forward to do! And I'm going to staple Keith's phone to his forehead.

Lost Wallet

My husband is a very bright man. Keith is funny, charming and very smart. He also has a habit of misplacing things. Normally this isn't a big deal because I am a very good finder. I like to think if forgetting where he placed things keeps important plane flying information in his head, then I'm happy to do my finding part. Most of the time. Keith was about 20 minutes out from leaving on a trip. Suitcase packed, id badge, uniform..... then I hear it "Hey, Jenn... have you seen my wallet?" We started searching high and low. The clock is ticking and he has to leave. No money, credit cards, missing military id, and most importantly his residency card. That little thing that lets him back in the country. He rolls the dice and heads off on his trip anyway. I assure him, his wallet HAS to be in the house and I'll find it. I turned the place upside down. I can't believe we've acquired so much crap in the small amount of months we've been here. I searched everywhere. I tried backtracking every step. I made phone calls. Our neighbors were in on the hunt. We didn't leave a stone unturned. I went to bed worried it was gone forever. ****** DING DONG ****** The doorbell rang at 1:40am. I laid in bed panicked. Surely I was hearing things. ****** DING DONG ****** Gulp. I'm in a foreign country. My husband is gone and somebody is at my door. A slight feeling of logic hit me that maybe it was the neighbor upstairs and they were having an emergency. (that was my hope! - what kind of logic is that!?!?!) I run upstair sot the door. We have this fancy camera on the wall that shows us who is standing at the door. It's not my neighbors! GULP. He rings it a third time. As I look at the camera, I can see him holding a wallet! Keith's wallet!!! I refuse to open the door, so I not-so-bravely call out "hello....." In perfect English he says "Yes, I found your mate's wallet". I was so excited and scared all at the same time. I asked him to please place it in the mailbox. He said sure and walked away. Then my crazy set it. I was sure it was a ploy to push his way into my house. I waited and waited without making a peep. I couldn't hear a car drive away. I didn't see which way he went, but I was dying to open the mailbox. The only problem was it required me to open the door!! I waited about 15 minutes and did a quick ninja grab of the mail! And there it was. His wallet with EVERYTHING intact. Including the 200 Euro. I wish I was thinking clearly enough to tell him to take the cash, ask him where he found it, or not be such a sissy to tell him thank you in person. I probably won't ever see him again. I can't erase the picture from the monitor from my mind. I hope our paths cross again. We've had such a crappy adjustment here, this slice of humanity is just what we needed to turn a new page. Thank you stranger. Your good dead will be paid forward. And I'm stapling Keith's wallet to his forehead.

3 years

It's been 3 years since we lost our little girl. I don't quite know what to say. It still leaves me speechless. All I know is that I was surrounded by people who loved us. I'm sure I will never know the depths people went to help us out. Thank you.

Consistancy Sucks

I'm terrible about keeping a routine about blogging. Here we go again. I watched a documentary last night, Mortified Nation. It was about adults taking the stage and reading their journal entries they wrote as kids growing up. They were funny. Not in a make fun-of sort of way, but funny how teens think their whole lives are of that moment. We all thought we were alone and the only one going through it. As adults we can all relate, it's universal. A few people read their journals who were struggling with understanding themselves, struggling with their sexuality, trying to pray it away. It was so hard to hear their shame when there shouldn't be any. There was also a man who took so much comfort in his mother's journal entries. He didn't get to say goodbye to her before she died and he takes comfort in reading her thoughts. That's kinda why I started journaling anyway. One of Keith's commander's has shared his life, his wife's life and his new life through journaling. He posted her old journal entries and I found it amazing how he could reflect on her exact thoughts. She was an amazing woman. I am no where near as wise as her, but I thought I would be worth wild to be able to reflect back one day. These are the days... The dogs are play fighting. They aren't tiny. When they play like this it's wild! Hair flying, growling, teeth showing. They wrestle, and flip over each other. They take up the whole living room. It's also bedtime. The boys are on edge, tired and refusing to listen. They are fighting too. The tv is on, Keith is yelling at them to calm down. Just another school night. It's the end of their 2 week spring break. We had a fun one. I really don't look forward to the routine of school. We were able to go with Keith on his FedEx trip to Basel, Switzerland. We spent 2 days there. It was so nice but the cost of food alone put a sting in the trip. We went to the Basel Zoo and to the Art Museum while we were there. We rode the bullet train first class each way. Not a bad way to travel! We came home to two days of soccer camp. It was Brad's first attempt over here. He was teased a bit the first day, but by the second day he had made friends. Cole had soccer tournaments all Easter weekend. We had to be in Amsterdam by 9am on Easter morning! The tournament was brutal. 24th out of 24 teams. It made the 3 hour drive each way that much worse. The second week Cole had training everyday. They were slow practices with only 3-4 kids at practice. They had to cancel the tournaments Cole was scheduled to play in. The neighbors upstairs hosted 2 Russian boys for the tournaments. They were EXCELLENT! I'm constantly shocked at the level of play when you stop to remember these are 11 year olds!! Keith and I had a bit of a date night too! For Christmas he got me Justin Timberlake tickets!! They were fancy tickets in a "box-like" setting with a backstage dinner. We went with Craig and Laura. It was so much fun! I'm glad we went. The boys are down and Keith is back from walking the dogs. Tomorrow back to the grind. The gym is calling my name.

Carnival

This is our first season of Carnival. Cologne is the New Orleans of Europe..... Times 10!  We all dressed up to celebrate and are heading to our first parade tomorrow. Full report to follow....

Trooper

One day when Cole grows up, I hope he realizes what his brother went through and supported. Brad has sat through hundreds of hours of soccer practices, games, and tournaments. Cole, your brother loves you, is often bored out of his mind, and has enjoyed several creepes while cheering you on. It's a family affair.

School decisions

The schooling system here is so different. I haven't figured out if I like it or not. Time will tell, but I'm also glad we aren't here for the long haul report!

Typically a child works hard through elementary school up to year 4 (4th grade) and their future is determined from that point on. There's three paths you can be sent down: gymnasium, hapschule, or realschule. Gymnasium is for University bound kids. Hapschule is more for trade type workers and I don't even know what is taught at Realschule.

My unbelievable bright tiny newborn was recommended for gymnasium!! Yea!! Even his tutor, Frau Martini, told us she has never seen such a scholar!

Everything is very formal with paperwork, approvals, letters. We are to research and pick out which school to apply to....... I didn't put this much thought into my own education! The stress of applying and interviews for 5th grade is insane to me. We basically had 3 choices. APG, HBV, and GBG.

There's pros to each, and amazingly he would know people at each school already. We picked APG as our first choice. This is the second closest school and where Aiden goes. It's fully in German and I haven't figured out how I'm going to communicate with the teachers. It's been quite the change for me to go from extreme involvement to being clueless about what is happening in their schools.

We went and dropped off our paperwork at the school. We walked past "kids" larger than Keith. Some were smoking in the quad. They seemed huge compared to my tiny newborn. I'm actually praying for a major growth spurt this summer. Gulp.

When we arrived in Germany, we actually had to fight to get Cole placed in 4th grade. They wanted to hold him back a year to prep him for Gymnasium. We pushed and told them no-way! Gulp. Kinda wish we could back pedal a bit. I'm sending my kid to high school next year. I feel robbed. He was just in the young baby wing at Fowler Elementary school. I'm bypassing the rest of elementary, skipping middle school and heading straight to high school. I'm so proud of him but for me..... This sucks. I miss my baby. I'm so grateful for jumping in to the PTA at Fowler and being a room mom when I had the chance. Seize the moment before you blink and your firstborn is a high schooler.

International living

There are times I catch myself and have to laugh at what our life might look like to others. A few months ago, I had preconceived ideas about living in Germany but I didn't imagine several things.....

You haven't lived internationally till you've had children spend the night who don't speak English and your kids still communicate just fine.

You haven't lived internationally till you are invited to a friends house and realize they all are speaking English just to accommodate me.

You haven't lived internationally till you've had children spend the night who know more languages than you. Have you been intimidated by a 7 year old intelligence?

You haven't lived internationally till Cole's friends are Batawan, Bahrain, Bilgazoo, Arial, Pasquel, Zallah, Valentine, and Jordan.... Just to name a few.

You haven't lived internationally till you have to take a camera phone to translate every thing you buy at the grocery store.

You haven't lived internationally till you hear the announcement on the train and immediately look around to watch people's body language to figure out what's going on.

You haven't lived internationally till you learn German from Google maps. The voice speaks Texas twang..... Strassa.

You haven't lived internationally till workmen show up and leave you house and you have no idea what just happened.

You haven't lived internationally till you properly know your exits on a roundabout, start to like the red to yellow to green light system here, or drive $100k cars on the autobahn.

You haven't lived internationally till the German police tell you next year we speak in German.

You haven't lived internationally till you understand the need for several different kinds of boots with tight skinny jeans.

You haven't lived internationally till you like riding your bike to do errands because it's quicker than taking the car.

I could go on and on..... To be continued....

Dear Cole,

I love you. You drive me batty sometimes. You can fire me up faster than anyone else and I fall for it every time. Together we will form you into a capable, honest, man of integrity. First I must have a drink. ;-)

Just don't ever forget how much I love you.

Choices

We have have personal preferences. People are like snowflakes and no two are alike. Both boys amaze me in their similarities and differences. This week they both needed a haircut. Cole opted for the standard trim. He looks handsome. Brad wanted something different. He had a vision in his head and asked that I carry it out. He wanted it very short on the sides but a long rat tail in the back. Brad couldn't be persuaded or deterred. He kept insisting his desires. So I gave him what he wanted. Let it be said.....

His taste isn't my taste. I love his creative vision and determination to express himself the way he chooses. I'm envious of his self confidence to go against the norm, and I will fiercely protect him from others who try to squash, steal, or break him from doing things his way. And, it's just hair.

He father might not share in his choices either, but we'll always support you!

Change of latitude, change of attitude

I started to blog about our rough transition to Germany, but it was so bad it sounded like a depressing story. Even I was sick of reading what was essentially a complaint list. On one hand, I wanted it documented (in case my husband gets the hairbrained idea of coming back) and on the other, I'd just as well forget the nightmare.

It's been six months since our arrival. I had no idea a beating could last that long. I think I'm coming out of my depression and realize I need a change in attitude. I miss so much of home it's not even funny. However, I'm here and I need to set the tone for the boys. Keith would also appreciate an end to the constant "stupid idea" bashing. After all, this wasn't ENTIRELY his fault.

In my attempt to adapt, I'm forcing myself out more. It's so difficult to put yourself out there and make friends, but it has to be done. I'm forcing my kids to do it so I might as well walk the walk.

There's many things that are growing on me. I often wonder if it would ever catch on in the States. I do love the ease of riding the train, the yellow light before it turns green, the way they dispense medication, the veterinary care, how dog friendly the entire country is, the trained dogs still amaze me.

Pizza Boy delivery drivers will never earn a good spot, but it sure is easy being close when I don't feel like cooking.

We've had tea and cake with our German neighbors, and I've met a few German women who are amazing and funny.

I'm coming to terms that I might have to learn the language. My mental block is huge, my brain is small.

February will be a month of change. I'm here, let's try to embrace it. Gulp. Here we go........

Iced tea!

It's no sweet tea, and the baristas think I'm nuts, but I've found an addiction.